I've mentioned before that I work part-time. Just about every Monday through Saturday, I'm at the office from 10-2. Luckily, for the summer, Camaron doesn't start work until 3. So it usually works out that we can take turns taking care of Fox throughout the day -Camaron in the mornings, and me in the afternoons (and then family play time in the evenings). To me, this seemed like the best solution. I love the idea of Fox being with at least one of us always. A babysitter here and there, but mostly just us.
After a while though, I noticed I wasn't very happy. I was snappy and complaining a lot, and I was taking out the majority of my stress on Camaron. Often, my complaints consisted of me not being able to get anything done because Fox was having a rough time that day. Or I would be mad when Camaron came home late from work because I was so tired and had wanted a nap, but Fox didn't, or because Camaron had the car and I had really wanted to go somewhere.
Then, we did the best thing you can do in a situation where things just aren't working and not everyone's happy -Camaron and I sat down and talked it out. I had no idea how selfish I was being! I was oblivious for some reason. Hello? Camaron was spending just as much of his time everyday with Fox, and he was tired too, but he wasn't complaining or getting mad. Once we talked, it all became clear that time with Fox was just that, time with Fox. If he was being fussy, or not napping when I wanted him to be, or not letting me set anything down on the coffee table, who cares? He's being a baby -that's what they do. Projects, cleaning, and whatever else would just have to wait until either Camaron was home, or if Fox was asleep, or for when I had free time at work.
Ever since that talk, I've been more aware of how I am when I'm home alone with Fox. I've been putting in more effort to actually play with him instead of just watching him play. There's a lot more singing in our house than there was before. And I'm actually getting chores done -turns out, it's more fun doing laundry and dishes when Fox is there to help. Being alone with Fox is so much fun! I can't believe what I had been missing out on before.
Sometimes I forget that I need to be the one adjusting to motherhood -not me trying to make motherhood adjust to me.