Disclaimer: this post may or may not be a rambling, panic-stricken mess. You've been warned.
My due date is this Friday, so I'm starting to freak out a
little lot that new little baby could come any day now. I was doing so well for so long, but now the irrational, worried me is kicking in. Last night, I kept waking up, mostly to go to the bathroom (normal pregnancy stuff), but also because I thought labor might be starting. I just don't feel ready yet. But what else do you do to prepare? I don't think you can ever feel fully ready. Ughhh, why is change so hard for me??? Having to face unknowns just isn't one of my strong suits.
Big Worry #1: I have already been struggling a lot with being home alone all day with Fox. With it being so hot outside and Camaron having the car 4 days a week, we're usually trapped indoors all day (not good for me), and this pregnancy drains most of my energy by 11am (not good for Fox), so how am I supposed to do this with a newborn thrown in the mix???
Big Worry #2: I'm planning to labor naturally this time. I know that was the plan last time, but I've worked a lot harder to prepare this time, and I feel like I have a lot more motivation. And I have felt confident in myself and my body ...up until this week. As much as I avoid thinking about the pain I may be facing, the topic somehow keeps coming up ...and it's making me lose some of the confidence I had been working so hard to keep. Come back! I need to know I can do this!
Big Worry #3: I have always been an emotional mess. And pregnancy hormones may or may not exemplify that. It's hard to tell if it's just me, or if it's worse because of the pregnancy. I keep hoping and telling myself and others that I'll be much better once I'm not pregnant anymore. But what if I'm not? It's hard to imagine my mind magically changing once I've given birth.
I could keep going, but I'll stop. I'm stuck in the worst-case-scenario mode of thinking right now. Tomorrow I'll probably feel fine about everything I just listed. Sometimes, I just need to get things out. Also, I haven't had any chocolate today ...and that usually fixes these sorts of things.