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Last week as a family of three // Freaking out


Disclaimer: this post may or may not be a rambling, panic-stricken mess. You've been warned.
My due date is this Friday, so I'm starting to freak out a little lot that new little baby could come any day now. I was doing so well for so long, but now the irrational, worried me is kicking in. Last night, I kept waking up, mostly to go to the bathroom (normal pregnancy stuff), but also because I thought labor might be starting. I just don't feel ready yet. But what else do you do to prepare? I don't think you can ever feel fully ready. Ughhh, why is change so hard for me??? Having to face unknowns just isn't one of my strong suits.

Big Worry #1: I have already been struggling a lot with being home alone all day with Fox. With it being so hot outside and Camaron having the car 4 days a week, we're usually trapped indoors all day (not good for me), and this pregnancy drains most of my energy by 11am (not good for Fox), so how am I supposed to do this with a newborn thrown in the mix???

Big Worry #2: I'm planning to labor naturally this time. I know that was the plan last time, but I've worked a lot harder to prepare this time, and I feel like I have a lot more motivation. And I have felt confident in myself and my body ...up until this week. As much as I avoid thinking about the pain I may be facing, the topic somehow keeps coming up ...and it's making me lose some of the confidence I had been working so hard to keep. Come back! I need to know I can do this!

Big Worry #3: I have always been an emotional mess. And pregnancy hormones may or may not exemplify that. It's hard to tell if it's just me, or if it's worse because of the pregnancy. I keep hoping and telling myself and others that I'll be much better once I'm not pregnant anymore. But what if I'm not? It's hard to imagine my mind magically changing once I've given birth.

I could keep going, but I'll stop. I'm stuck in the worst-case-scenario mode of thinking right now. Tomorrow I'll probably feel fine about everything I just listed. Sometimes, I just need to get things out. Also, I haven't had any chocolate today ...and that usually fixes these sorts of things.

4 comments

  1. The last weeks of pregnancy are by far the worst! I think we've all felt all three of these fears.
    And let me tell you, you CAN do it. You were made to do this.
    As for laboring naturally, it's SO worth it. The rush after, the adrenaline high...incredible. plus, recovery feels about ten times faster. BUT, don't be at all discouraged if it doesn't work out. Do your best and do whatever is right for you and baby.

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    Replies
    1. Thank you Becca!!! I love hearing words of encouragement about laboring naturally. I just need to focus on my goal -the awesome recovery (hopefully). I really, really want that:) Yay babies!

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  2. I love the honesty!! Are you feeling better since you debriefed? Where are you at today?

    When I was pregnant with D (my 2nd baby, first birth w/o drugs) I went through this sort of panic and fear even though the weeks leading up to that I had felt confident and excited about her birth. It was also my first vbac and I just wasn't sure I could do any of it. I called some people who I knew had faith and good things to say and it helped a lot. I also wrote out my fears and then the "faiths" I would replace the fears with. This is a totally natural process, you are managing beautifully and you can TOTALLY do this!! This is such a gift you are giving to your baby. Just breathe.... the time will pass. We can always count on that

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  3. you can do this! i have zero experience in this department but i am sending good vibes your way so that magically you will dilate really fast and won't have time to change your mind and ask for the drugs.

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